Seven days a week you I'm havin' lots of fun with you!
Monday to Monday to Monday...hey!
Tuesday to Tuesday to Tuesday...hey!
Wednesday to Wednesday to Wednesday...hey!
Thursday Friday too!
Cole's Imagination Movers CD has been in my head all day. I was 10 minutes into my drive to work before I realized it was still playing on the radio and then I left it on until the song that was playing was complete. Sad, I know! But the music actually gets me grooving in the morning. I read an article in a parenting magazine where the author stated listening to her children's music at work actually made her seem closer to her children while she was away. I don't know about that but the music did make me smile and I couldn't help but think of Cole and I dancing like cray people in our kitchen this past Saturday night, with Charlotte and Brendan looking on and laughing at us.
Working outside of the home full time has been trying. I struggle with it every day knowing that I am missing certain milestones of my children and missing moments where someone else is soothing tears and giving hugs. Thankfully I have no fault with Applewood. It is an extremely loving and nuturing environment for both Cole and Charlotte...but it is not me, of course, and will never replace me. The difficult part of this is that I don't want to work; I don't want to advance my career; I just simply HAVE to work. When I went back to work after my leave when Cole was born, my darling best friend sent me a card that had three quotes from a magazine taped to the front. I have kept this card close to me in the past 3 years and as I moved from one office to another it was the first item that I posted on my bulletin board and there it remains. The quotes read:
"There is no such thing as work-family balance-It's more like a see-saw. Sometimes your family is on top; sometimes work is. It's a healthier way of thinking than trying to give 110 percent to everything that you do and then feeling guilty if you fail. " (Of course, most often I find that family is on top in this see-saw game, but it helps that I have a director who is extremely supportive."
"Don't worry what your house looks like when you get home from work! Just love your child and have fun with her. The dishes aren't going anywhere. Do them when she's sleeping." (Or in the case at house, the dishes sit for a day or two because we are just too tired after putting the kids to bed to care.)
"The purpose of your job is to create the life you want for your family. When your job starts to interfere with that, then you know it's time to find ways to cut back." (As I have done...a lot.)
Well, guilt is an ever-present feeling that I, as a working Mom, have. It'll never go away no matter how much I tell myself all of the positives that daycare brings. All of these thoughts came to my mind the other night when it took me 2.5 hours to get home due to the closure of 93N and I got home 10 minutes before Cole went to bed.
What I do know is that I am a darn good Mom when I am home. Cole has been in daycare since he was 3 months old and I think he is turning out ok. Time will tell but the choices I (and Brendan) make will certainly influence Cole and Charlotte's lives. We can only hope that we do the best we can with right now, that we are purposeful in our decisions, that we install good values in our children, and make the most of the time we do have together...like blasting Imagination Movers and dancing around the kitchen together, laughing and acting like fools.